it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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