apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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