I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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