We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize