Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
