don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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