I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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