if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
