shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
