i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
