How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
