I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
