Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
