My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
