Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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