Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
