# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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