Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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