She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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