So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
