So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
