how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
