how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
