Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
