Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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