finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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