Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
