i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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