I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ttyl tear gas
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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