I'm lost and stupid without you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
