So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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