the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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