Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
