I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
