By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
