so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
