What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
