I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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