Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
