Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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