My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
