I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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