Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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