If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
