talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
