I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
