There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize