I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Farmville is her only friend.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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