i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
