i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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