I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
