Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
