I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
