maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
