I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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