I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
