i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
