Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
