I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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