I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
