I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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