Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
