I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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