I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
